


Got A Secret, Can You Keep It?

by Rosewritingparlor



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut, Gaku is blunt as ever, M/M, Ryuu is baby and confused, Slow Burn, Trans! Tenn, Triggercentric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:53:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24107806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosewritingparlor/pseuds/Rosewritingparlor
Summary: As Tenn finally opens up to Gaku and Ryuu about his gender and sexuality, Trigger is once again threatened with Tenn being outed by Ryou Tsukumo. As Tenns world crumbles around him, will he learn to rely on Trigger once and for all, or will Trigger finally give into the hands of Tsukumo?
Relationships: Kujou Ten/Tsunashi Ryuunosuke
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I myself am a trans male, and writing this through my own experiences. I know my journey is different to other trans men, so I do apologise if this does offend anyone. This is also unbeated, and written while I was a lil tipsy.

Tenn, Gaku and Ryuu standing on stage, taking a bow. Tears forming in their eyes as IDOLiSH7 stood to the side cheering for their rival group. The images on Tenns TV brought back flooded memories of their MOP win. The hard work that all 3 of them put in, from rehersals, to moving in together. The help of Re:Vale and IDOLiSH7. The fans encouragement, and most of all, their managers undying love and support. 

“I suppose we’ll be heading out soon” Tenn mumbles to himself as he turns his TV off. He slips on his shoes and heads out to the living room to meet up with Gaku and Ryuu in the shared living room.

Despite Triggers success, the three of them all agreed to continue living together at Ryuus. It was a rocky start, but they made peace with living together, despite the ocassional (very frequent) fights between Gaku and Tenn. Ryuu also enjoyed his place being more lively, and admitted during the conversation about moving out, he was going to start feeling lonley in his home.

As Tenn stepped out of his own room and into the living room, he was met with the biggest and goofiest grin from Ryuu. Tenn tried hard to hide the blush that crept onto his face as best as he could. He always adored Ryuus smile, but he would never admit to it, nor would he ever admit to his crush on Ryuu, even if he was held at gun point.

“Tenn-kun, are you ready?” Ryuu asked picking up his jacket off the sofa.

“Bout time you made it out brat,” Gaku sighed. “Makin us wait for you as if you’re the king of the house,” he continued with a playful scoff. 

“Excuse me for rewatching our live performance” Tenn teased back.

“Tenn-kun, thats super cute of you!” Ryuu beams.

“Lets not keep Anesagi waiting” Gaku urged as he grabbed his wallet and keys.

Tenn and Ryuu followed Gaku out the door. Ryuu locking up behind him. Ryuus eyes followed Tenn longer than he would have liked. He was just glad the person of his attention hadn’t realised. 

Ryuu couldn’t tell if he was just being awkward, or if the air in Gakus car was awkward all around. Fidgeting silently in his seat.

“Ryuu, are you okay? You seem on edge.” Tenn asked as he noticed.

“ _ So i am just being awkward,” _ Ryuu thought to himself. “I’m fine… just, we haven’t done a live show like this for a while. I just hope I don’t say the wrong thing,” He laughed off.  _ ‘Not to mention my crush I’ve had on you for a literal year, but thats fine. I don’t need to tell you that.’ _ Ryuu continued to think to himself.

Gakus car pulled into the private parking for the studio. All three sliding out, and Gaku locking it behind. They could already see Anesagis car parked. Their manager not present, they assumed she was already inside talking to the studio crew.

The trio made their way inside the studio, heading right into the change rooms. Their Daybreak Interlude costumes already hanging up, and drycleaned ready to go for them. Tenn made a mental note to thank Anesagi for her hard work later. Trigger would have collapsed already if it weren’t for her. 

As per usual routine, Tenn changed behind a private curtian, away from his two group members. It was always a routine since debut. Not only due to being a minor at the time, but also so the others wouldn’t see his binder that he would perform in. 

Tenn traced his fingers over the faded scars on his chest. His top surgery was gifted to him from Kujou as an 18th birthday present so he no longer had to dance in his binder, and cause health complications. It was a very generous gift, and he was forever grateful to Kujou for the help with transitioning, even if it was just under the guise of ‘to better you as an idol performancer’.

Tenn still wasn’t out to Gaku and Ryuu, and he hopes to keep it that way a little while longer. Despite the years of knowing them, he has never been able to find their stances on peoples gender and sexuality. They never spoke about relationships or gender identies, and not knowing their stances, has kept himself cautious about them knowing.

Tenn joined the other two in the main part of their dressing room, fully changed as hair and makeup came in to fix them up for their interviews. The three Hair and Makeup artists all giggling as they enter their room. Gaku glanced to Tenn and he glanced back, rolling their eyes, sharing an unspoken shared thought  _ ‘Trigger fangirls’. _ Many of their Hair and Makeup team have been fans, but most of them could never act professional around the group, and always drove the two of them up the wall. 

Anesagi joined the boys with half an hour to their stage call time, running over everything with them for the last time. Tenn already had the schedule memorised from when they were told about the interview, but a refersher wouldn’t hurt.

5 minutes before they were due on stage. Standing behind the curtain, Tenn looked out to the expectant crowd from a small gap in between the curtain. Re:Vale stood on stage, their presence as powerful as ever. 

“Are you nervous Tenn-kun?” Ryuu asked placing a hand on Tenns shoulder.

“I feel like I should be, but for some reason I’m not. I feel relieved if anything.” A small smile formed on Tenns lips. 

The floor manager signaled for the ad break. Re:Vale stepping off stage. Momo and Yuki smile and wave to the other boys. Tenn waved back as the floor manager came over, leading Trigger on stage. 

The three took their places. The Floor Manager counts down at the last 10 seconds behind the camera. He points to the host at the last second. The camera records. The crowd cheers. The bright lights and the loud noises was all Tenn could focus on clearly. He was able to hold up his parts of the interview, but didn’t realise that Ryuu could tell he wasn’t fully focused. 

Tenn took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the dark backstage of the studio as one of the runners lead them back to their change rooms. His head spinning from the lights, and pure joy being back on stage the way he was again. Singing with Ryuu and Gaku on the televison network like the old days. 

As Tenn entered his private section of the change room, he pulled his costume off with a sigh. Not hearing Gaku pull open the curtain.

“Tenn, I brought you some wa… what the fuck?” Gakus eyes widened at the sight of Tenn in nothing but his underwear, scars on his chest and a clear lack of dick in his underwear. “Did you lose your fucking dick or something?” He asked, a hint of strong anger behind his voice. 

“I don’t like packing. It’s a hinderance to performing.” Tenn bit back. 

Gakus eye twitched in anger at the youngest members response. He closed the curtain in anger and changed in his own little corner, ignoring a concerned and confused Ryuu. 

Tenn walked out, fully changed in his normal clothes. 

“Tenn, what the fuck?! Why didn’t you tell us you’re trans? You’ve lied to us for literal years? What the hell is wrong with you?” Gaku lost control of his anger the minute he saw the ‘Modern Day Angel’ step out of the curtains.

“Wait, please, slow down, whats going on?” The concern and confusion growing on Ryuus face. 

“Ryuu, I’m transgender. I was born into this world as a female. I’ve been medically transitioning with the help of Kujou since I was 15 years old. As for not telling you both, I never knew your stance on Queer people.” Tenn let out a sigh, sitting down at the makeup stations. 

“We could have kept a better eye on you if we knew! We could have made sure you have been safe around us! You fucking idiot!” Gaku shouts. 

“Tenn… what do you mean you were born a female?” Ryuu looks over to Tenn, still confused. “You look and sound like a male, so how could you be anything but?” 

“When I was 15, I started hormone replacement therapy. So I went through a more masculine puberty than a feminine. As of last year, I had top surgery, removing the breast fat from my chest and flattening it out. Up until then, I performed in binders.” Tenn lifted his shirt to reveal the faded scars.

“Are you fucking kidding? Dancing in a binder? Are you an idiot?” Gaku grabbed Tenn by his shirt. “Stop putting yourself at risk, and have some trust in us for once okay?”

“Gaku, please calm down and let go of Tenn-kun. I don’t fully understand but I’m sure his reasons were valid. Tenn-kun, I reallty don’t understand this, but, you always have and always will be Tenn to me. Who or whatever you were before I knew you doesn’t matter. All I know is that I know you. I know Tenn, and thats all I care about.” Shyly, Ryuu placed his hand on Tenns shoulder as Gaku reluctanlty let go of the Trigger centre. 

“Explains wh everyone saw him as angelic,” Gaku said with an eyeroll. 

Tenn looked away. “Please don’t see me as anything but Tenn Kujou. I’m the same person still. I may be transitioning, but I am who I am.”

“Idiot, you’ll always be you. You’ll always be Tenn Kujou, the centre of Trigger.” Gaku replied rolling his eyes.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> High screaming. I spent so long writing this one chapter... despite having another series I need to freaking finish. Anyway, thank you for reading the first chapter. Uhhh, hopefully I'll have an update soon. I have a lot planned for this fic, so I do apologise for how long this will be. I hope you enjoyed it. Please do leave kudos and comments if you did enjoy this! Also thank you to 5h1take and my bf for that discord call that planned like 10 chapters for this lol.
> 
> Find me over on twitter at https://twitter.com/_rosewriting_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware, I use a really bad derogatory trans term in this chapter, due to the nature of the context. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read.

Tenn made himself comfortable on his bed. Looking up to the ceiling, replaying what Gaku said to him earlier.  _ “Idiot, you’ll always be you. You’ll always be Tenn Kujou, the centre of Trigger.”  _

“Hah. I really was an idiot for not trusting them” Tenn gives a small chuckle to himself. “I should know by now that those two have my back through everything I do.”

A small knock to Tenns door dragged him out of his thoughts. The door opened slightly and Ryuus head poked his head inside the dark room. 

“Tenn-kun? Are you still awake?” Ryuu asked in a hushed tone, just in case Tenn was sleeping.

“Ryuu? Whats up?” Tenn asks as he moves his pillows to sit upright on his bed.

“Ahh, you are awake. Can I… come in?” There was a tone of hesitance in Ryuus voice as he asked. 

“Yea sure,” Tenn crossed his legs so Ryuu could join him on the bed.

Ryuu steps into the room and closes the door behind him and makes his way over to the bed. The older man awkwardly plays with his fingers, unsure on how to start the conversation.

“What did you want to talk about?” Tenn getting more curious, the longer Ryuu dragged it out.

“I just wanted to make sure that...you’re okay… and if you could explain this whole thing to me. I’m still super confused, which has made..uhh...umm..other things confusing…” Ryuu shyly looked to Tenn.

“Confusing?” Tenn coxed his head to the side. “Does the whole Transgender thing still not make sense?”

“Yea, I’m still struggling to understand it, but I want to , I really do, for your sake.” Ryuu sheepishly scratched the back of his head.

“Well… I was never born as Tenn. Tenn was a name I chose. Riku and I were born as twins, but Riku was the only born a male. I was born in the wrong body. I always felt uncomfortable with the way I looked growing up. When I studied in the US before debuting, I discovered what being transgender was, but reading into it, it felt so right. When I turned 15, Kujou-san helped me start hormone therapy. I’ve never seen myself as a female, but sadly, thats how I was born.” 

“Ahh, that.. Slightly makes more sense. So… does that make you gay if you still like men or..?” Ryuu asked inquisitively.

“Yea, I consider myself gay in all honesty. In fact I… umm, never mind actually,” A blush crept onto Tenn’s face as he looked away.

“You like someone?” Ryuu prodded, not realising what he was asking.

“T-thats none of your business!” Tenn buried his face into his hands.

“I won’t judge if you do. It’s a taboo for us to like people, but I think it’s healthy if we do,” Ryuu tried to reassure with a smile. “To be honest, I do like someone myself as well.” 

Tenn poked his head up. “And who could have caught the attention of Ryunosuke Tsunashi, the second most desirable man in Japan?”

“You” Ryuu said with a blush on his face.

“Is that...why you’ve been flirting with me?”

“Flirting? What do you mean?” Ryuu suddenly flustered at Tenn’s words.

“You’ve been calling me Tenn-kun recently, and every time you come home, you’ve brought me back donuts, and just a general, more doting. Don’t get me wrong, it’s made me very happy but, I was...never sure as to why you were…” Tenn’s face went a light shade of pink. “But… knowing me with… how I am now… can you still… see me the same way?” Tenn asked worried.

“What do you mean? You’re a guy right? So of course I wouldn’t see you any different. Also, I think Tenn-kun is a cute nickname… do you not like it? Besides why would you be so worried about the way I see you? You said you had feelings for no one.” Ryuu looked confused.

Tenn let out a sigh. “I may have… lied… there is someone I like, but don’t worry about it…”

“No tell me, please Tenn-kun?” Ryuu gave a pleading eye look.

“You…” Tenn mumbled, hardly audible.

“Sorry, you were too quiet. Who was it?”

Tenn’s blushes deepened as he looked to Ryuu. “I’m not repeating what I said” He buries his face again. 

“No please, I promise I won’t make fun of you. Is it Gaku?” It broke Ryuus heart to say that, but he promised himself he would be happy for the both of them.

Tenn let out a frustrated groan. “Trust me, it’s not Gaku. I’d rather date Izumi Iori before I date Gaku.”

“Ahh… I see” Ryuu gives a sheepish laugh. “Sorry… I guess, if you don’t want to tell me I guess I can’t force you.”

Tenn takes a deep breath in and leans over. He presses a gentle kiss to Ryuus lips. The older idol sat in shock, and unsure on what to do. Tenn pulled away, looking away.

“Tenn-kun? What was that? W-why did you kiss me?” Ryuu asked, even more confused. 

Tenn avoided eye contact.

“Why would you kiss me if you liked someone else?” A worried look formed on Ryuus face.

“Really? I need to outright tell you don’t I… Ryuu… I” Tenn takes in a deep breath. “It’s you…” Tenn looks to his bed, avoiding looking at Ryuus face.

“Wait… you do?” Ryuu looked shocked. 

“Yea, it’s you, you idiot,” Tenn let out a soft playful smile. 

“So now what?” Ryuu asked unsure of what to do.

“Umm… well… do you want to… ummm… I guess… be… my… I don’t know… My boyfriend?” Tenn lifts his head slightly to look at Ryuu. Butterflies churning in his stomach. 

“Wait, you want me to be your boyfriend as well?” A huge smile formed on Ryuus face. “I’d love to be your boyfriend!” Ryuu beamed, throwing his arms around Tenn, eliciting a small yelp from the smaller boy.

“Stop being so gay!” Gaku called out from outside Tenn’s room.

“How long have you been listening?” Tenn called out, face red with embarrassment. 

“I’ve been listening from about, you’d date Izumi- otōto,” Gaku said with a snarl. “Which is rather rude if you ask me.” 

Tenn threw a pillow at the door, Ryuu sheepishly watching everything play out.

“Please don’t fight you two…” Ryuu started to panic.

Gaku peaked into the doorway of Tenn’s room. He gives a big grin. “But, I’m glad that you finally told him Ryuu. It’s about time. It’s been so painful to watch.”

“Wait, you knew?” Tenn asked confused. 

“He wanted to make sure I was fine if you two started dating. He didn’t want to upset me.” Gaku said as he ran through his fingers through his curls. 

Tenn’s phone started buzzing on the bed. He looks, down and it was an unknown number. 

“Kujo-Tenn, how can I help?” Tenn asked as he answered his phone.

“Ahhh, Tenn! It’s Tsukumo~ Tsukumo Ryuu~ I had a little birdy whisper something to me… about… hmmm, something not being born a male~? Something about being a Tranny~” Ryous grin could be seen through the phone call. Tenn drops his phone in fear. “Tenn? Tenn~ Are you there?” Tsukumo sings on the phone.

“Tenn-kun?” Ryuu looked concerned. “Are you okay?” Ryuu placed a hand on Tenn’s shoulder. The younger flinching. “Tenn? What’s wrong?” Gaku waved a hand in front of Tenn’s eyes.

Tenn shrinks back from both other boys, curling into a small ball. Ryuu tries moving in closer once again. “Please, what’s going on?”

Gaku picked up Tenn’s phone. “Who is this?”

“Ohhh, Gaku~ why how nice it is to hear from you again. Listen let Tenn know, that if Trigger doesn’t disband, I will be exposing Tenn as being Transgender, say hi to Riku for me~ bye~” Tsukumo hung the phone up, leaving Gaku with the dial tones.

Gaku looked over to Tenn and Ryuu, Tenn shaking, as Ryuu held him in an attempt to comfort him. “Tenn… He’s threatening to out you, unless Trigger disbands,” Gaku kneels down in front of Tenn. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I… I’ll just leave Trigger… You guys aren’t a part of this. This isn’t fair on you,” Tenn shaking in Ryuus arms.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for some reason, work notes are showing, and I don't know how to fix this, but thank you for reading chapter 2. Thank you to the usual BF, 5h1take and Chonny for the support on chapter 2. This one kinda hurt me on the inside but thats fine. I'm a uni student, I suffer on the regular. Be sure to follow my twitter _rosewriting_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so freaking long to get out. I had no motivation to write this chapter cause I knew how much pain Tenn was gonna be in, anyway, I hope its worth the wait.

“Don’t be stupid, we can work this out.” Resting a reassuring hand on Tenn’s shoulder, Gaku let out a sigh.

“Tenn-kun, please don’t leave,” A pleading look in Ryuu’s eyes.

Tenn couldn’t stop shaking in Ryuu’s arms, tears starting to roll down his eyes as Ryuu tightened his hold around Tenn. 

“It’s okay, we’ll work something out, I promise,” Ryuu gently soothed. 

“I’ll leave you to take care of this. I need to talk to Anesagi and my father.” Gaku looked to Ryuu, who gave a nod of understanding. Gaku took that as his chance to leave the others alone.

Tenn let out some small sniffles, his shaking starting to lessen. 

“It’ll be okay Tenn-kun, Gaku cares a lot about us as friends, and as a group. We can get this sorted out.” Ryuu starts to gently pat Tenn’s hair as the younger idol starts to fall asleep in his boyfriend’s arms.

When Tenn woke up the next morning Ryuu was fast asleep next to him, his arm wrapped around his small body. Ryuu must have changed him after falling asleep. His binder was in the laundry basket to the side of the room, and had been changed into his pyjamas during his sleep. The sun shone brightly in through the gaps of the curtains, the warm sunshine, the contrasting the feelings inside Tenn. 

The conversation from the night prior came flooding back into his memory. He felt a sick feeling in the bottom of his stomach and rushed to the bathroom. He found himself throwing up in his toilet, Ryuu showing up by his side, gently rubbing his back. Tears started to fall from his eyes once again.

“Oi, Tenn are you okay?” Concern over Gaku’s face as he quickly ran into Tenn’s bathroom, upon hearing Tenn throw up. He knelt on the other side of Tenn, placing a comforting hand on his back, underneath Ryuu’s.

“Shit,” mumbled Gaku, gently rubbing Tenn’s back in time with Ryuu’s. He gets up and grabs the wash cloth from Tenn’s sink. He dampens the cloth, and wipes the vomit off the side of Tenn’s mouth. 

Ryuu gently picks up his boyfriend, and gets him back into bed. 

“I spoke to dad. He’s changing our schedule for the next week off. He wants to figure this shit out. Take this next week to get yourself back on your feet, Tenn. Ryuu and I will be here waiting for you.”

Ryuu nodded in agreement with Gaku. 

“I’m going to be right here, it’s okay.” Ryuu tried to smile reassuringly.

Tenn let out a small mumble.

“Tenn-kun? What did you say?”

“Let’s just break up. I’ll just leave Trigger.” Tenn’s voice sounded lifeless and empty.

“Wait...why?” Ryuus face twisted to shock. “Please don’t joke about this Tenn-kun,” tears started to form in Ryuus eyes. “Please don’t leave Tenn-kun. Please don’t break up with me, we just got together,”

“Why? I’m just causing issues now. I’ll be a burden on the group.”

“Are you just doing this to cover your own ass, Tenn? If you’re planning on leaving to protect your identity, that’s a shitty move, even for you. We’re a group. We’ll make sure he can’t out you, and protect TRIGGER while we’re at it. Just trust me. We’ll get through this together.” Gaku angrily grumbled, causing the younger idol to flinch.

“Gaku!” Ryuu shouted. “Don’t be so harsh.” The eldest Trigger member let out a sigh before turning to Tenn. “But Gakus right. You don’t need to sacrifice your position in Trigger. We’ll sort this out, while keeping your identity a secret.”

Tenn’s tears began to dry up as he started to steady his breathing. “I’ll...think about it…” Tenn said as he cuddled into the sheets. 

“I’ll go make some coffee for us and then we can talk to Anesagi about all of this, maybe even Gaku’s father too.” Ryuu said, forcing a smile onto his face as he tried his hardest to put up a positive front.

Tenn could only give out a small nod as he tried to keep himself from the ever present feeling of a panic attack.  (Again gap in description.)

Gaku let out a sigh as Ryuu vanished to go brew the coffee. 

“Tenn, please don’t break up with him over this. He loves you so much, and I can see how much you love him. Don’t do this,” Gaku ran his fingers through his silver hair. “You’re an idiot if you do.” 

“What if this ruins TRIGGER?”

“TRIGGER is ruined if you leave!”

Tenn tried to voice his protest, however, he got cut off from Gaku.

“He’s hurting; watching you like this. Don’t hurt the man over this. The relationship is in yours and Ryuus hands. Only you both have the power to determine whether or not you will break up. I know you love him, it's clear as day. You’ll regret this so much if you do.” 

Tenn fell silent, knowing full well Gaku was correct

“Gaku… what am I supposed to do then? Rely on you both? I don’t need you getting caught up in my issues.”

“That's exactly what you’re supposed to do. I know, deep down, you see us as friends. Fuck, Ryuu’s your boyfriend, rely on him. That’s what you do in a relationship,” Gaku gave a frustrated sigh. “Listen, I won’t pretend I understand the pain you’re feeling. I’m not like you, but as your leader, and even moreso, your friend, please lean on us. Don’t make a stupid mistake that will destroy your career.” 

Tenn’s eyes widened at Gaku calling Tenn a friend. 

“I know I call you a brat – and right now you’re acting like one – but you’re also a good few years younger than us both and going through something more difficult than either of us probably understand. So just- Don’t rush head first into anything like this okay? Just think it through first, properly.”

“I’ll… think about it…” Tenn curled up even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again @5h1take for beta'ing this for me again. My brain has been not with it lol. Anyway, don't forget to follow my writing twt _rosewriting_

**Author's Note:**

> High screaming. I spent so long writing this one chapter... despite having another series I need to freaking finish. Anyway, thank you for reading the first chapter. Uhhh, hopefully I'll have an update soon. I have a lot planned for this fic, so I do apologise for how long this will be. I hope you enjoyed it. Please do leave kudos and comments if you did enjoy this! Also thank you to 5h1take and my bf for that discord call that planned like 10 chapters for this lol.
> 
> Find me over on twitter at https://twitter.com/_rosewriting_


End file.
